It's a frickin annoyingly small world Yes! I retain my right to thank god one minute for finding VB on the other side of the planet, then get annoyed when I go to the Roskilde Festival and there's a loud annoying bunch of frickin' drunk jerks from Sydney flying a Sydney Swans flag above their campsite, lobbing empty glass bottles at passers-by. How far to I have to go in this world to find somewhere that some other drunk Australian jerk hasn't been before? Is it too much to ask that I be the first drunk Australian jerk to go somewhere?
Meanwhile, in the only Australian bar in Copenhagen... I was back to being Australian again. Note VB in hand. At AUS$14 per stubbie it was worth every cent. I was accompanied by Oystein, Norwegian ESL test-case work colleague #2. He tried VB, pretended to like it but then politely went back to Carlsberg after the first round. Mission failed.  Here is almost every Australian tourist in Copenhagen crowded around a telly in the 'Down Under Bar' during the Australia vs Italy 'fiasco'. Princess Mary must have had access to a big flatscreen plasma or something, because she didn't turn up. Seriously, like, you marry the Prince of Denmark, and all of a sudden you think you're too good.  At the end, everyone was shell-shocked. So more VB was drunk to soothe the pain. Plastic kangaroos that earlier had been waved joyously in the air were popped in anger and disbelief. And the next morning I remembered why I don't drink too much VB - the most evil hangovers on the face of the planet.
The English and Football  England played Sweden in the world cup the other day. Everyone goes to the pub, wears red and white, and takes it extremely seriously.  Here I am pretending to be English. Note the undercover disguise of red and white. To make my disguise complete, I didn't shower for days and quit my job and went on government benefits and drank Spanish white wine with ice cubes and lemonade, and I said things like, "Oh I really hope Owen's knee injury isn't too serious."
Official Verdict on the new Bond: SpunkratYesterday was ace. It was 30 degrees, Australia won their World Cup game against Japan, and the James Bond Circus rolled up outside our office for an official portrait photoshoot. Naturally, everyone wet their pants a bit and ran outside to pretend to smoke and watch. Daniel Craig, who looks a little like Steve McQueen, stalked up and down in front of a greyscreen backdrop with a massive machine gun type thing and a ruffled tuxedo with bowtie undone. We all went back upstairs to stickbeak from the windows. We didn't take photos because we'd lose our job and get kicked off the backlot. But a couple of people's fingers slipped on their mobile phones and accidentally some shots may or may not have been taken. A beaky-looking assistant saw us all goggling out the windows and ran upstairs to yell at us and demand everyone to stop taking photos. But we weren't taking photos so there was no problem, and we all ran back to our desks like naughty schoolkids and pretended to work for a while until she left. My favourite was the hairdresser who kept zchuzzing and fussing about with James Bond's hair, right before the photographer turned on a massive wind machine the size of a boeing 747 engine to take some hot and ruffled 'blowing in the wind a-la Marcel Marceau' shots and blew his hair completely flat again.
Copenhagen - the nicest beer in the world On Wednesday night at the Tivoli I had a beer that was like a lovely dream. It was made from dandelion and eucalyptus leaves.  This place is much nicer in summer. Last time I was here I got frostbite from wandering about and visiting the Little Mermaid statue. Here I am checking out the senior-citizen tourist brigade parading down the street of Nyhavn. Everyone is over 70 and American.
Amsterdam - Land of Milk and Pimps I went to Holland again last week but this time, I finally managed to sneak into Amsterdam for a looksie. The canals glistening with da glow from red fluroescent lighting was all I imagined and more.  We stepped in for a drink at a pub and were invited to sit with a local pimp. He was nice. He was busy watching his windows across the other side of the canal, so we let him be and went to watch the English guys pissing in a trough outside.  It smelled yuckky so we left.  Despite living next to this bubbling den of sin, actual Dutch people are really straight and boring. We held a drinks event with lunch and guess what the most popular beverage was? No! Not Heineken, or coffee 'with special naughty syrup' and especially not a long island iced tea with a white pill (and we're not talking sweetener). It was milk.
| 
Yes! I retain my right to thank god one minute for finding VB on the other side of the planet, then get annoyed when I go to the Roskilde Festival and there's a loud annoying bunch of frickin' drunk jerks from Sydney flying a Sydney Swans flag above their campsite, lobbing empty glass bottles at passers-by.
