smells like fun

Breakdance you Fool!

posted by Rachael @ 5:56 PM 0 comments

Radioactive Russians

I'm feeling very good about myself because I clicked on the 'offset carbon emissions' button when I booked my Christmas flight to Dusseldorf. It sends a donation based on the number of miles you fly to Carbonwise to make up for the guilt you feel for using low-cost airlines and damaging the environment. For this flight, the guilt assuager only cost me 92p. Phew! I feel fantastic!

Jeff is coming to Dusseldorf with me. When I asked if he had also clicked the guilt-uburden button he said no, he'd opted out and spent 92p on a can of diesel petrol, which he'd poured over a tyre stuffed with plastic bags and lain the body of the radioactive ex-KGB spy over the top and set fire to the whole lot.

I said I'd hate to be the owner of that restaurant he was radiated in. Jeff replied, "At least they can accurately calculate his half-life now. Hahahahaaaa!"

I know that is funny in some way, but I don’t know what half-life means in the nerdical sense of using radiation to measure how long it takes particles to break down or something. I asked him for a de-nerdification (ie, explanation).

Jeff wrote back: "The term half-life is used as the estimated time for half an arbitrary amount of radioactive material to decay. It's never known before hand which half of the particles will decay, but it is known that half of them will. That's the hilarity of the joke, now we know exactly what the half-life of that particular spy* is, its not random any more!!! Classic.
* in the joke, I'm treating the russian spy as a single radio-active particle, not a large quantity of radioactive material. Hey, Polonium-210 is available to buy online!"

I am worried about Polonium poisoning because I went shopping not far from that sushi place the other week. I'm developing a slight chest cold and more than the usual amount of hair strands came out when I brushed this morning. I think I'm going to sue the Russian Government.

posted by Rachael @ 10:29 AM 0 comments

Last night in Stockholm, or, What Would Courtney Do On Ice - Part II

Talking Swedish people into visiting the Absolut Ice Bar on my last night in Stockholm was like trying to sell ice to eskimos. After 45 minutes in the bar I couldn't feel my toes or fingers. It was worth it!

posted by Rachael @ 12:26 AM 0 comments

Movies are Glamourous


This poster looks cool, hey!


In reality, it was shot in a shitty crap car park.

posted by Rachael @ 6:38 PM 0 comments

I'm 30: Time to grow up, then


Amsterdam seemed as good a place as any to try and start.


Following my new Mantra: What Would Courtney Do?


Wheeee!


A bit of Vermeer, just to make things seem more classy.


Geez, this tiny piece of cake was €5! It better be good...

posted by Rachael @ 7:31 PM 0 comments

Thirty and one day. Life is going nowhere. I'm turning this into a sex blog to get publishers interested and make some money. Here goes:

Sex!

Testicles!


Mindless shagging!




This isn't going well. I'm going to get a coffee and bitch about people at work.

posted by Rachael @ 10:01 AM 0 comments

These photos arrived just in time to answer my question

Just as I was moaning about turning thirty and wondering where the bloody hell my life had gone, Mich and Trine both sent batches of photos from our trip to Italy in September. It was perfect timing. I haven't seen any photos so it was brilliant to look back and remember what was a great holiday.

Swotting up on Naples at Heathrow.

The villa in Maiori on the Amalfi coast. Yes, it's all ours for a whole week!


The Sera-wig gag. Seven years and it's still funny, and Sera still patiently endures it all.

The fortress at Maiori beach. This is real, not CGI!

Maiori Beach.

Swimmin' at Maiori.

Positano Beach.

posted by Rachael @ 10:07 PM 0 comments

oh my fucking god where has my life gone?



Yes it finally happened. I wasn't even looking and boom! I turned thirty. So far it's not been too bad. I went to Munich, quit my job, drank German beverages, didn't mention the war (except for humming the theme from The Great Escape on the plane - it was sub-conscious! An accident! Honest!) came back, went out with friends for a quiet drink, and am thinking about selling my car. I'm looking forward to heading to Amsterdam on Friday to celebrate. Thanks to all the dear people who called and sms'd and sent presents. If you haven't sent a present yet - you know who you are - don't think I won't be knocking on your door in 2 months to collect the goods.

posted by Rachael @ 9:19 PM 0 comments

Spa-ty-licious

OMG Just got back from the noicest Spa treatment day ever! Went to an amazing mansion hotel and we went swimming, spa-ing, had a massage, facial, manicure, pedicure, eyebrow shape, champage at lunch and I'mmm spent.














So why did we go spa-ing? Because dear diary, today was the last day of our team working together. Viv and Pat have been offered new jobs in Singapore and are taking them. Cecilie is moving back to Norway. At the start of the week I was told my job is moving to Stockholm, and my new boss will be the German marketing manager.

Stockholm? Nice to visit, but live there? Not so sure. I had to draw a list of pros and cons.
Pros: Fantastic interior design aesthetic. Good food. The Hives. Saunas. Nice in Summer. My visa runs out soon so I can't stay in England, therefore I couldn't continue on here anyway, so things can't really go anywhere with Clive, the nice and funny guy I've been seeing who seems rather lovely, so why not?
Cons: Have to move there. Have to pretend to make an effort to learn and speak Swedish. Cold 95% of the time. Drive on wrong side of the road. Obnoxious Aryan superiority complex. Really really cold. Snow. Ice. I miss my friends and family. Did I mention the cold?

Anyway, the list balanced out to Cons. I'm going to Munich on Tuesday to meet my new boss. A German. He doesn't know it yet but when I get there I'm handing in my notice and going straight to the nearest Munchen Beer Hall to celebrate my 30th Birthday.

I'm coming home in January!

posted by Rachael @ 6:46 PM 2 comments

Northern Lights

Just heard that the Northern Lights trilogy is being turned into a movie. Guess who is going to be Lord Asriel? None other than Bond, James Bond - Daniel Craig. I really like these books so as with Harry Plopper I'm in two minds as to whether it's a good idea to be making them into movies. But I like Daniel Craig; he's good at being a scary hot tough-guy so it might be allright. And apparently Nicole Kidman is going to be Mrs Coulter and I think she will make a great scary biatch.

Here is a reindeer that was being brushed and cared for by two handlers before appearing in a new christmas movie that shall remain nameless but looks really crap. Each reindeer had two people brushing it and making its coat all shiny and nice before getting carted off to get joined up to a sleigh harness to haul santa around. Can you imaging having a job as a reindeer beautician? Strange.

posted by Rachael @ 10:49 PM 0 comments

Big Red Aussie Whine

Quick! Someone call the Australian Wine Board and let them know Kath'n'Kim have taken over the UK Branch of the Marketing Department!




Fancy a noice drop of Aussie Job, darls? These are real bottles of wine from Jen's local 'offie' in slightly-east Manchester.

posted by Rachael @ 5:11 PM 0 comments

How to make a cocktail in Finland

Step 1: light the alcohol

Step 2: mix it

Step 3: set fire to the bar

posted by Rachael @ 8:58 PM 0 comments

Rach's Movie Reviews

"I have neither the scholar's melancholy, which is
emulation, nor the musician's, which is fantastical,
nor the courtier's, which is proud, nor the
soldier's, which is ambitious, nor the lawyer's,
which is politic, nor the lady's, which is nice, nor
the lover's, which is all these: but it is a
melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples,
extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry's
contemplation of my travels, in which my often
rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness."

Kenneth Branagh's new As You Like It is set in a 19th Century Japanese garden and is RUBBISH. 2 Stars.


OTOH - Marie Antoinette is the ULTIMATE costume drama. Nobody speaks much or does anything; they just walk around in stunning costumes looking bored. 4 Stars for the costumes. Minus one for Rose Byrne being in the movie - I can't see her in anything without remembering Joel's comments about her days at Manly High School.

posted by Rachael @ 5:01 PM 0 comments